February92014

Dear Current Boyfriend,

It’s way too soon to say “I love you.” Way too soon. But sometimes, when we’re lying together and I sigh too loudly or make a little noise, it’s because I physically can’t hold all of this in. And when I say it, I hope you say it first, but either way, it will probably either slip out by accident - a little piece of a tune that we’ve both hummed a million times in another life - or the sighing won’t be enough and my body will tingle and my face will go numb and I’ll feel a wave of passion and guilt and fear and ecstasy as I say, “I love you.” I’m not ready to love someone again. I am so scared to love someone again. But dear god, you beautiful man, do you overwhelm me. 

January192014

Dear Current Boyfriend

You have listened to me torturously explain the hideous betrayals I lied to you about for so long and you have seen your world turned upside down and you have loved me with a commitment and a truth and a fervour that I know I will never have again. We may both be young but I think I can say that with quiet certainty. My heart is tied to you in ways that I can’t put into words, inextricable from myself, like a friend, a lover, a brother - but still your and my unhappiness murmurs underneath every day and it just leads me to think: maybe it isn’t love?

You said the worst thing would be if you were still trying and I gave up.

I am infatuated with another boy, but I haven’t even mentioned him to you.

Where do I go from here?

I don’t want to hurt you, I’m terrified of being alone, I want to be happy, I want to be free, I want to mature, I want to work through my problems, I don’t want to work through my problems until I really have to, I want to just do exactly what I want and isn’t that selfish especially after everything I’ve already done.

I can’t leave you and I think I shouldn’t. But I really would if you would let me go.

I can’t stand the shame I feel everytime I look at you. I want to let you get over me, live your life, find a nice girl who doesn’t lie or sleep with guys because she’s ‘lonely.’ I want to find someone else who when we tell our love story to other people, we won’t have to lie.

But what if this is it? What if I throw away everything here and I give up on the best thing in my life? And I hurt you more? I couldn’t hurt you more, I would never be able to forgive myself.

Just decide soon what you want. And please put me out of my misery.

I love you.

January122014

Completely Unsure

So. I’ve been with you close to a year. We get along well, we always have. We very rarely fight, but when we do, they’re pretty big blowouts. We usually makeup the day of the fight, though.  We just now kinda had a fight, though. You took me to your church and it made me very uncomfortable. I felt incredibly awkward, and it showed. One of the big reasons behind this was because I was sitting directly between you and your ex-girlfriend, who you usually sit with at church. This also makes me rather uncomfortable, because you spend nearly as much time with her as you do with me. 

Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I know that she’s having problems, so… should I be jealous, or angry, or whatever it is inside of me? I don’t understand why you’re angry with me. I thought I would like it, and I did mostly like it. I just… have a difficult time in new situations, which you know. 

You don’t really accept me for who I am. It’s incredibly difficult for you to be with a guy, and I get it. It’s just really difficult for me sometimes, because I bear all the weight of these things. Sometimes, I’m not sure if we should actually be together… 

But I love you, and I enjoy being with you, and we have a mostly healthy relationship, so I’m kind of just unsure. 

January112014

I am so close to cutting my losses and moving on.  You push the envelope.  You ask and take and take and there is nothing left at all to give. 

December172013

Dear Current Boyfriend

Exactly what am I to you? You treat me like a doll, and just put me on the shelf when you’re done. As far as I’m concerned you’re the one who cheated on me, lied to me the whole relationship. But had the nerve to tell me ‘I want to marry you, have children with you, please move with me, I’m hopelessly in love’. But then I find out it was my ‘friend’ and you still kept in contact with her? You’re such an asshole. Do you even care about other peoples emotions? what you put them through? Maybe everyone was right about you. Maybe I should have trusted them and not you. How could you do this? And not even show me remorse for what you’ve done to me? Do you even know how badly I just was to disappear? Then you call me the physio bitch..why? because you put me through complete torment? because you’re selfish and could careless about me? Its only when i changed myself and now that I’m better looking you all the sudden give a damn about me? Now you know what you’re losing.. that’s why you always go through my phone, that’s why you say you can never trust me? No my love.. you can’t trust yourself..

And one day, I’m going to find out the rest of the shit you’ve hid from me.. maybe them it will give me the power to leave.. im not broken anymore, just dead.

Thanks.. for killing the rest of me..

wheres the old you?

November162013

You are killing me.  My spirit is gone. Why do I have to follow your rules. Why do I not count in your eyes.  Why am I not number one? Why are my needs secondary.  Is there a man out there who will treat me like a person, with feelings and thoughts and an opinion and a point of view and be considerate of my needs?  I have given and given. The well is dry. Its empty.  I cant give anymore.  I don’t know how to go forward anymore. 

November122013

Dear current boyfriend,

I absolutely love you, even when I’m completely upset with you. You put up with my ignorant drama, and I put up with your irrelevant drama. There isn’t a single person in the world that could being to replace you, because there is only room for you in my heart. Plus, you’re one of a kind. You’re the kind of guy that flirts with every girl possible, then the second you find someone you REALLY like, you’re faithful. You’re the kind of guy that can just smile and take a girl’s breath away. Even thought you absolutely hate your smile, I happen to be inlove with it, just like I’m inlove with you. I can’t wait to see you again so I can wrap my arms around you and kiss you randomly. That’ll make everything better for both of us. I know we’re arguing a lot but hey, it’s just a test. We’ll make it through. I know we’re going to go a long way and I’m so glad that I’m spending it with you. I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect - but we’re perfect together. You’re my world and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you so much. 

Love,


November22013

Dear Current Boyfriend,

I miss you when you’re not here. The month between our first and second time was torture. But the second time completely made up for it. I have never trusted someone like this in my entire life. I believe I could honestly love you. Just being with you and not caring what I look like or how I’m acting because I know you don’t care is the best thing I could ask for, and I can feel myself falling more and more for you everyday.

I’m sorry about my ex-girlfriend. I’m sorry you think I’m gonna go back to her. I would never do that to you, I swear. She is my friend, that is all, and I am going to be there for her through her depression still, and I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.

You said a lot of things after we had sex last time. You said you were scared of breaking my heart because you have a tendency to fuck up relationships, but please don’t think like this, because it’s not gonna help anything. You told me when you lost your virginity at thirteen to a girl who pressured you into it, and I didn’t know how to react. I’m sorry, that was awful and it shouldn’t have happened. Not to you. You who is brilliant and amazing and one of the best people I know.

I miss you. I know you have work a lot, and rowing to keep up to, and we both have college work to do. So it means a lot that you still make time for me. Even if we sneak off to fuck at parties. I really like you. And I don’t want to let you go anytime soon.

Love,

K.

October272013

Boyfriend Problems…

Me and My Boyfriend have been together for almost 4 months and he wont say “I love you”. I asked him about it once about a week after we got together and he said “I don’t say tha L word till I know i really mean it lol” I didn’t think none about til about a month ago i said i really cared about him and wanted to take a step forward and say i love u and stuff and he told me “You’re moving to fast!” Soo I blew it off.. How do I push the situation on him without making him mad or upset. 

October262013

forevertease asked: How do I break up with my boyfriend that is in jail we have been together for 2yrs. I've tried break g up with him a couple of times and he Still stands by me. I'm so confused.

Just be blunt. 

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